ZNMD - Chandigarh Express

"are you the mantally challanged my BUOY?" read the lines at the bottom of Empire theater screen that was showing the latest hindi blockbuster movie Zindagi Na Milegi Doobara. In a moment the whole movie theater burst out into laughter including two of my best friends seated next to me. We had promised each other to come and see the movie together because Ms. Mary (name changed to protect convict's identity) said so. An amazing movie I must say that brought back some really good memories. Memories of my trip to India.

Chandigarh.. a city as much confused of its identity as me. Imagine a place that is the capital city of two states/provinces but governed by neither province but by the federal government. I mean how do you maintain law and order in a place like this. Any how, long story short, after a 10 hour bus ride from Himachal Pradesh, I had sighted some plane roads where people actually were still on the roads past 5pm. I had been very day-sick of Himachal cuz no one stayed up or went out of their house past 5pm. I mean who the hell does that? then one may think, hmm there are soo many other things to keep you occupied such as, TV, Internet, Movies, Girls/BUOYS (depending on ur sexual inclination). I had often heard about and wished that one day a girl would take me out for a Candle light dinner (em cheap so the girl has to generally treat me), but my last two weeks had been spent looking forward to "candle light sleep" every day. The electricity would run out every night which meant that TV, and movies were out of the question. Internet? what is that? is the response that i got from most people who actually owned a PC of some kind. Most of these PC's were at the public telephone booths that read STD-PCO outside the door. Imagine going up to a store that read Cheap-STD here or Affordable - STD rates and stepping into it to find a man with the most huge belly behind the table saying "hunji kya karenge", "what would you like to do?". I wondered who in the right mind would like to go to a store to get an STD? you would just have to sleep around with african monkeys a few times to get that but the major question my MBA brain posed was, how could you commercialize this? My worries got a over after I found out that STD was an abbreviation for Subscriber Trunk Dialing in laymen terms a place where you could make long distance phone calls from and not somewhere you would pay to get a Sexually Transmitted Disease. Coming back to the topic at hand, TV/Movies and Internet were out of the picture and speaking of girls now. Yeah thats all what I have to say about that, cuz i came across none or saw any for that matter. I swear himachally girls went into hibernation while I was there.

Back at Chandigarh my dads best-old-friend/old-best-friend/best-friend from years ago had come to pick both me and Akhil up. BTW Akhil was with me for the entire himachal trip. Anyhow, getting down from "the" bus that ensured its passengers said their last-prayers each time it took a turn on the mountainous sharp bends of the road. Further to that, I had inhaled enough engine exhaust to potentially have every possible lung disease known to mankind, thanks to my friend who had picked a seat with a window on top of the exhaust pipe. There was never a somke-less moment lets just say. Meeting my dad's friend after over a decade felt weird and amazing all at the same time. Here was a man who had seen me naked when I was a month old. Trust me its a weird feeling, especially when he says "tinku" u have grown older. Like! ofcourse, i have! or at least i would like to think the same. Most of my friends may not really buy that from someone but then again, most of my friends were miles away in a strange land called Canada.

I was woken up from my open-eyed-dreaming as Mr. Hritik Roshan kissed Ms. Katrina Kaif. I was like "CHEEE" how can the sensor board allow this, but then again, it was Katrina Kaif being kissed, so i wasnt really complaining other than a few awkward gazes exchanged with "Vicky" (again, name changed to protect convicts identity). A beautiful couplet part of the movie was being recited on the screen ".....Aisi gehraiyaan, Aisi tanhaiyaan, Aur main sirf main, Apne honay pe mujhko yaqeen aa gaya." as I slipped into my day dreaming yet again. I woke the next morning, well! who really that night anyways given I had finally gotten access to the internet, which meant updating facebook, answering emails etc etc. were all taken care of that night. It also meant using my computer to make free phone calls to Canad and I did a lot of that over the night. I woke up the next morning to some "young adults" screaming in the TV room. rubbing my eyes, I saw Sachin Tendulkar hitting a six and in a moment, I was as alert as a hungry tiger. Every one commended me for bringing myself there as my entry had increased India's chance to win the World Cup. Now if you dont know what World Cup Cricket is then you might as well not read the rest of this. I was told that Cricket World Cup is a phenomenon that occurs every four years and every "true" Indian should watch it and cheer for his/her country. Now, you are in a bit of a pickle if Canada is also competing for the same cup as India, cuz in a room full of young Indians for whom Cricket is like a Religion and Sachin Tendulkar is like God, you definitely cannot tattoo the red-maple-leaf across your face and chant Go-Canada-Go. Such an action will lead to a gruesome execution in public without any sympathy. A few hours later, the game was over and India had won the game and everyone was out on the streets jumping with joy and blasting fire crackers; i was much more interested in the Ram Chat Bhandar gol-gappas! yumm, although they messed with my stomach each time I consumed one, I still went back for more!

My phone vibrated and I took it out of my pocket to realize that a friend wanted to have dinner with me tonight. I had already promised Mary and Vicky that I will have dinner with them after the movie but now I was second guessing that. I told myself, stop being so in-decisive and stick to the original plans which I did for the most part. I did have dinner which was part of the plans but with the friend who texted me instead. Oh! come one, every thing is fair in love and war and both were on at this point. ;)

Like every hindi movie, this one also came to a happy ending but as I walked down the stairs of the theater reading the credits, I was pushed down the memory lane yet again. Chandigarh never ceases to please, there is soo much that I did in the next one week, be it running around with sweet boxes to different family friends houses or be it being invited to delicious and not-so-delicious dinners again by friends, acquaintance and families alike. The most memorable moment was me being set up for an arranged marriage alliance.

The name plate read, Mr. Sharma, SSP (Senior Superintendent of Police) as I rang the door bell and was greeted by two men in police uniform who thereafter walked me to the living room. I was very impressed with their living room, the walls were full of paintings, a display case holding all the medals Mr. Sharma had won over the years and a beautiful family Portrait also hung from one of the walls. The family included Mr. Sharma, his wife and their Daughter. In a few moments Mr. Sharma came to the living room and we started chatting over a cup of freshly squeezed orange juice which I found was much more tasteful than him. Our chatter was interrupted when someone walked into the room holding a tray of tea and cookies. The girl was dressed in traditional Indian clothes and every step she took towards me made me wonder what was so weird about this scene. I am sure, most of us have seen multiple Hindi movies where this scene has been described on multiple times, so without writing much, just picture a typical scene and that is what exactly happened. The girl sat across from me as Mr. Sharma and I resumed our conversation. Moments later, Mr. Sharma excused himself as he left the room to attend an "important" phone call. So far it was all good, for me and the daughter started speaking about the most random things but then it finally caught me that this was all a set up. "So I have always wanted to get married overseas" said the daughter and with that my sweat glands came into action all around me. I wasnt sure what thought was more prevalent in my mind, was it me wondering why their AC had suddenly turned off or was it that I had just figured out this was all a set up. Now with Indian families you have to be very courteous and mannerly for the reputation of the whole lineage is on the line. I quietly accepted Mr. Sharma's invitation to the have lunch with them where I was served all kinds of amazing food that the daughter had specially cooked for me. I just could not join the dots together, Mr. Sharma was never told that I was going to come see them, and it had only been an hour and a half since I came of which the daughter was in my sight for at least 40 minutes. Now, I may be over stretching this but all that was on the table could not have been prepared by the daughter in 50 minutes. The food was good and so my hungry Punjabi stomach was content. I was still sweating when I requested to take their leave for the evening and head back out when Mr. Sharma asked me to speak to my dad in the evening; at this point I was just in denial. There was nothing wrong with the girl but the whole idea of arranged marriage was not very digestible for my appetite for thoughts.

With a sad heart and a few hundred pictures, I left Chandigarh - City Beautiful with memories that I can never pen and stories that I can never tell. A tight hug from my dads friend and the sadness in my grandma's eyes still to this date remain fresh in my heart. I loaded the back of the taxi that in bold letters read Chandigarh - Express on its trunk. This Chandigarh-Express took me on the route of Delhi where another story waiting to be written had to be lived.

"Jo apni aankhon mein hairaaniyaan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum
Dilon mein tum apni betaabiyaan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum"


Parts Left out:

Sector 17

Sindhi Sweets

Mohali Cricket Game

Mr. Johar's residence - an old revenge....